Friday, September 24, 2010

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'll explain

I keep promising to blog more and failing fantastically.  Well, I finally figured out why this last month has been a no go.  It may take a while to get it all out as to why.

This may come as a complete shock to most people who haven't seen or talked to me in person lately, but it was a major adjustment to get used to and actually be happy we are going to have another baby.   You see, when we did our last fertility treatment in January we really felt that was it.  That it would be the last and final opportunity to become parents again by our own bodies.  We got rid of pretty much everything related to babies except for the stroller and a few things to use as photo props.  Whenever we talked about a third child we talked about going through foster care where we can get a child that is available for adoption the twins age.

When my normal signs of the start of a new menstrual cycle came and went with no start of a new cycle the weirdness began.  Then the symptoms of pregnancy started.  I couldn't believe it.  It had to be a weird cycle and all in my head.  Guy also was in total disbelief until Madison asked him to read the book titled I'm a Big Sister.  I got a test I'd given away to a now pregnant friend to take.  Sure enough both that test and the one two days later were positive.  We ended up telling our parents the day of the first positive test.  Guy made a Facebook announcement so I put something not so obvious on this blog.  It was out.  We got all these super positive and often teary responses from all.

But I wasn't happy.  Not unhappy either.  It was the start of a month long funk my brain needed to sort all of it out.  My body was once again taken over by an alien affecting every detail of my life.  Whenever Guy and I talked anything about the pregnancy/future baby it was negative.  You know, stuff like having to wake up in the middle of the night, how to reconfigure our small house {that also houses a business!}, we can only use one of our SUV's, having to get baby stuff again, getting cloth diapers again and so on and so on. Guy never specifically told me he was happy or anything positive.  Even though I KNEW he was happy I don't think I really felt it.

Finally, this last week I finally started to feel happy and excited about another baby.  I'm definitely not one to bond or even feel like a baby is real in-utero.  Even feeling movement and seeing features on an u/s don't make it real for me.  The only real thing is seeing that baby covered in funk just after delivery.  It's checking the baby out in the privacy of our own hospital room trying to decide which of the names we like fit.  The bonding is done with the hours and days of service given to the helpless newborn then baby while getting to see the first glimpses of personality and preferences.  The loves grows each and every month as the baby develops into a walker, toddler and beyond.  With each shared experience from the quietest of moments to the loudest test of wills we gain those familial feelings that will last throughout this life and into the eternities.

This is my 7 week pregnant belly.  Not much, but surprising to me since nothing at all showed with the twins until 9+ weeks.  The joys of a second pregnancy since the uterus 'knows' what to do.
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We went to Cody's birthday party last weekend.  The kids practiced singing happy birthday for two weeks once they received their invitation.  They would carry it around and sing every once in a while.  Cody let me snap a few images of him.
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Talking a taking a picture don't always mix in low light.  Just after snapping this image Madison did a face plant re-injuring her knee.
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I brought her into the kitchen giving her a good cuddle and wiped off the blood with a paper towel.  Melissa, one of Maddy's favorite people, gave her the sympathy oooooo's Maddy loves and took her into the bathroom for some ointment and bandaids!
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Since Cody is the main bandaid wearer in their house she got cool rough and tumble boy bandages.
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Then she got some love and support from Blakie.  Yes, this girl knows how to work a room for the maximum amount of cuddles and sympathy she can get.  The funny thing is, she usually prefers me first who gives the least amount of sympathy since I am a 'tough it out' kind of person and mom.
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You know, there is a reason this kid usually looks like he is talking in images.  He usually is!  He is a talk talk talker.
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He has moments of reflection or really is just making facial contortions trying to make people laugh at him.  Can someone be both the class valedictorian and the class clown?
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This charming smile is for Melissa.
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And then I got a charming smile!
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We were talking about going to do something fun right here and both are obviously excited about it.  They had a great time at the party.  Surprisingly, Blake was scared of the fireworks preferring to go inside to watch cartoons while Madison loved them cheering Paul on to light more and clapping excitedly for her favorites.
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Being the large child I can be I taught them how fun it is to pull down a balloon and hit it repeatedly.  They had a blast.
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"Get it, Blakie!!"
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LOL
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Cody with his cupcakes.
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He got it all in one breath.
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He got tons of things Lego.  I'm pretty sure his lego collection hit at least 500K that night.
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During the present opening the kids enjoyed the fruits of their not so good scramble for the pinata candy {Alyssa gave them all of hers}.
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Melissa snapped a few shots of the kids & I.
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It was a great night!  Too bad the kids weren't old enough for the sleep over part.  They did do a great job of lasting until almost 10 pm when we got home since they normally go to bed before 8 pm.
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If you aren't a regular reader of my photography website you should definitely check out my newest post.  It shows our gorgeous new images in our WALL GALLERY found in our dining area.  http://lifelongimpressions.com/yay-new-wall-images/  



In honor of my new found out-of-the-funk life I've decided to do a 365 project.  A 365 project is when you take an image every day.  The last time I started one it was winter time and about self portraits.  Yeah, that didn't go to long.  This time my images are going to be about whatever I'm thinking about that day and about finding more inspiration in life & photography.

5 comments:

Lani September 24, 2010 at 4:21 PM  

Congratulations!! and I'm laughing about the "covered in funk" part.. I never really saw mine like that- I'm not sure if I'm glad about it or not:) Pregnancy is really hard (or was for me), but it will be worth it:)

The McKnights September 24, 2010 at 5:20 PM  

Love the blue eyes on the kids! I love looking at all of your pictures. Miss you.

Bryant & Hilary September 24, 2010 at 5:44 PM  

You take so many awesome pictures of your kids. What do you do with all them!? I would want to hang them all and then I would have no wall space!! LOL!

Lisa September 24, 2010 at 5:47 PM  

I am so, so happy for you!

sonja September 25, 2010 at 6:25 AM  

Such wonderful pictures as always! I am sorry it took a little while to adjust to your pregnancy, but I am glad you're excited now. Cute little baby bump, too! Just think, next year you'll be taking photos of three pairs of gorgeous blue eyes! =)

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